The Other Woman Page 3

  The women all thanked Mme Kudo for her generous hospitality, then bowed respectfully to one another as they said their goodbyes. Walking back down the hill alone, Hikari thought about all that she’d heard. While she didn’t feel better about her predicament, she’d at least had the opportunity to gain some perspective. In Japan, and particularly Okinawa, women are so reluctant to share their true feelings the way she and the others had that day, and because of that reluctance, they tend to suffer in silence. What the foreigner had said was so true. Tonari no shiba wa aoi. Hikari really had harboured the impression that her friends lives were so much better than hers, but having gained insight into the personal lives of other women not so different from those she’d grown up with - and constantly compared herself to - she was in a position to know better. The Facebook facades Greg referred to were just that, facades. While she knew a great deal more about her close friends lives than what she read on Facebook, she’d drifted farther apart from many of them since she left for Tokyo. When she did get together, she always had the feeling that they were wearing their “tatamae” faces, hiding their true feelings. What lay beneath the surface was anyone’s guess, but what she’d heard from Mme Kudo’s other guests was consistent with the possibility that, even thought they were all “happily” married with children, her friends didn’t live in rainbow-unicorn-candyland any more than she did.

  Over the next few days, Hikari thought deeply about the tales she’d heard as she took long walks with her dog along the beach in Nanjo. These were truths she could only ever have heard from strangers, as the truths she shared could only be shared in the same way. Yet, while she felt better for having unburdened herself, she was well aware that she had not shared all and that fact made her wonder what she had not heard from the others. If she could read the diaries of some of those women, what secrets might the pages reveal? Secret lovers, jilted boyfriends, perhaps even elicit affairs with married men… like Harrison? If half of the things the foreigner had said were true, especially the part about monogamy being so rare, was it such a stretch to believe that the women who’d spilled their hearts in Mme Kudo’s tatami room had themselves done some of the very things for which they cursed their husbands? And if so, if everybody was out there enjoying elicit affairs, if everyone in a relationship had, at the beginning, “stolen” their partners from someone else, might such truths excuse her on moral grounds if she were to let herself fall into the waiting arms of her would-be American beau?

  As hard as she fought against seeing herself as the kind of woman who’d poach a man from the union of marriage, she was beginning to wonder if that was the only way she’d ever find anyone worth loving. Yet, as wonderful as Harrison’s affection made her feel, as deeply as she craved his attention, she understood all too well the barriers that lay ahead. As the only child of the family remaining in Okinawa, she bore responsibility many family matters, including Okinawan religious traditions that Harrison could never fully understand or appreciate, let alone participate in. Even if he wanted to, it was far from clear that her close-knit family would truly accept him.

  Then there was the problem of his existing marriage. As many problems as there may be with his wife, there was always the chance he could put things right and recommit to her. Then what? Would he continue trying to see Hikari her on the side? Or would he leave her just like her ex-boyfriend had? Hikari might tolerate her husband quietly seeing other women as long as he was there for her when she needed him, but in no way was she prepared to live the life of the other woman. Even if Greg was right and there was no such thing as rainbow-unicorn-candyland, there most definitely was such a thing as hell on earth, and constantly pining over a man she knew would never truly be hers was just that.

  And what would her life be like in the unlikely event he actually did leave his wife for her? What would her friends and family think? Rather than congratulate her on her brilliant catch, they’d likely call her “yariman”, or home-wrecking slut. Of course, they’d do this entirely behind her back while they put on their “tatamae” faces and pretended all was okay in her presence. Worst of all, what if, even after she’d faced all of that, their relationship soured and Harrison left her for another woman? As much as she might want to believe he’d never do it, the facts weren’t on her side. After all, wasn’t it true he’d left his wife for her?

  As she lay in bed, she tossed and turned again, unable to take comfort in Harrison’s imaginary presence. All she could think of was the angry face of his wife, the private scorn of her life-long friends and family and the incredible loneliness she knew awaited her in the future if she wasn’t strong enough now.

  The next day, having slept fitfully, Hikari got up for work exhausted. After feeding and loving her dog, she drove from the outskirts of Nanjo to the government office in which she’d landed a temporary administrative job. Consuming high doses of ultra-dark chocolate as she struggled to stay awake, she wrestled with the decision she knew she had to make. When the work-day was finished, she drove home, put the leash on her dog and set out for a long, heavy-hearted walk. Stopping at the top of the hill beside the Sefa-Utaki holy site, she looked out at the almost-full moon which lit the clouds above the dark, calm ocean. As the moist, salty breeze caressed her flowing hair, she sat on a large volcanic rock and pondered how generations of Okinawan women before her had likely sat on the same rock, looked out across the ocean and pondered their futures just as she was doing.

  Hikari thought calmly, almost meditatively, then extracted her phone from her purse. Tears forming in her eyes, she brought up the touchscreen keypad. In Japanese she typed, the words she knew would break Harrison’s heart as surely as they were breaking hers. “Watashi wa Harrison-san to tomodachi ni naritaidesu! Demo, au-koto ga dekimasen.” Harrison, I want to be your friend, but I can’t meet you now. I’m sorry.